Abandonment has been a theme around here lately. I don't mean getting left somewhere when you shouldn't have been. I mean the abandonment that God longs for from us. The abandonment where we run full-tilt and launch ourselves from 12 feet back into His lap and arms. Just like a little child who has no fear of a trusted family friend who shows up at the door, and running for all she's worth, leaps into their arms. Completely trusting, unafraid, joyful, delighted. Even unbecoming. (Thank you, Dear.)
I'm discovering I have a problem with this. Over the period of my life, I have built defenses that look something like, "I have to have it all together," and "I have to do this myself." No room for help from another corner. Of course, that's pretty ridiculous. I am only alive because God gives me my next breath (and a million other functions my body has to complete every minute). I can't do it myself. And I don't have it all together.
Awhile back, the Lord was working on letting me know that I don't have to have it all together, even though that's what has been embedded in me for years. Brennan Manning's writings helped me understand "The poor (in spirit) man and woman of the Gospel are aware of their lack of wholeness, their brokenness, the simple fact that they don't have it all together." (The Ragamuffin Gospel) Wow. There is freedom in those words. For me.
Now He's working on abandonment. Mine. To Him. And then to others.
I kinda freak out over this. I'm not sure why. I have a suspicion that it's something to do with generational garbage that needs to be broken. Control issues. Self-sufficiency issues. Self-righteousness issues. There are plenty in my family of origin. So, I'm trying to go after this junk, in the power of the Spirit, and break down these strongholds that are robbing me of the joy and delight of abandoning myself to the Lord. And others. Even if I look unbecoming.
At some point, Randy Stonehill wrote a song that is just amazing. I'm including the lyrics because they make me cry. That's always a sign that I need to listen. They will make this post kinda long, but I'm going for it anyway. :)
Abandon Your Heart
Like a man who's lost his memory, we're caught in this calamity.
The truth of who we are is as distant as the stars.
So we paint our portraits in the dark and build this lonely house of cards--
But we're not sure what is real and we're aching to be healed.
And the hours that we cling to flow like water through our hands,
and we hear and see and think and feel,
but we never understand all the glory and the meaning of our days.
Abandon your heart and it will take flight.
Oh, it's beating like an angel's wings that longs for heaven's light.
Abandon your heart, just set it free.
The mighty love of God is calling, "Abandon your heart to Me."
We've deified (made gods of) our willfulness--our prison walls are made of this.
Our only hope awaits beyond those wicked gates.
We will go to almost any length to preserve this weakness we call strength.
But peace can never dwell in a house of infidels.
Then the fire of life burns in us, but its power is denied.
We are lost in frantic motion. We are never satisfied.
But I swear it does not have to be this way.
Abandon your heart and it will take flight.
Oh, it's beating like an angel's wings that longs for heaven's light.
Abandon your heart, just set it free.
The mighty love of God is calling, "Abandon your heart to Me."
And all these things we try to hold
only rob our thirsting souls and make us old.
But when we dare to let go at last,
we will finally know the joy that always eludes our grasp.
Abandon your heart, abandon your heart, abandon your heart, and it will take flight.
Oh, it's beating like an angel's wings that longs for heaven's light.
Abandon your heart, just set it free.
The mighty love of God is calling, "Abandon your heart to Me."
