Paradigm Shift

It's been an interesting week.  After the crash and burn of last Sunday, I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying over how to do life now.  From as far back as I can remember, I've been a go-er and a do-er.  Accomplishment- and achievement-oriented from the word go.  Always in motion.  Caring for those I love.  Spending myself for them.  Never without something to do.  Boredom is an unknown to me.  "Being" is an art I have not learned well.  "Needing" is a formidable hurdle for me.

With that being the framework of my life, I am facing a paradigm shift.  In fact, I'm in the middle of it.

I HAVE to slow down.  I CANNOT do what I once did.  Period.

Okay, I'm asking myself, what does that look like?  How do I do it?

Well, my doctor gave me a guideline that I had put on the back burner....typical of me, I'm afraid, when it comes to the "doing" part of my life.  He said that I need to limit myself to doing 50-70% of what I normally feel I can do, probably closer to the 50% mark, in an attempt to limit the stress factor and promote healing.  Last week I pushed myself way beyond that, probably somewhere in the 100% range.  On Sunday, my body said, "Enough already!" and down I went.

So, for the past few days, I have worked at that 50% thing.  Making my to-do list, prioritizing, and then crossing off half of it.  It's an interesting exercise.  By today, I kinda had the hang of what I could do before I made the list.  It was short.  :-)  I've also worked at the resting thing.  Getting to bed earlier, lying down for a  rest in the afternoon.  And the slowing down thing, purposely poking along through my day, rather than racing.

A couple of things have hit me in the past few days.  Because I have to dial back -- way back -- I am looking at what I must do and what I can do, and casting aside the other stuff.  It gives definition to my days.  I must care for myself.  I can cook and do laundry and clean the house for my family.  Beyond that, I often must say "no."

I feel in some ways as if I'm restarting my life as a wife and mom, focusing on making home a delightful place for my husband and daughter who are the ones going out and working.  Because I can't help pay the bills with employment, I have the blessing of trying to create a refuge for them for their hours here.  By dialing back, I am focusing on the elemental things of hearth and home.  And it feels good.

Today I had a rather intriguing experience.  I was slowly dusting the sideboard, a beautiful piece that once belonged to my grandmother, and realized that I could enjoy the process of cleaning it and maintaining its loveliness, rather than racing through it as simply a task needing to be done.  Wow. 

So, there are a lot of other thoughts going through my head from my thinking and praying this week, but I'm going to stop now and maybe write more on another day.  It's time to start winding down.  :-)

I need no explanation.....

"What the Father has done is the best, because He has done it,

and I pray that I may not cast about for an explanation.

It suggests a lack of confidence in Him

if I find it necessary to understand all He does.

Will it not bring Him greater joy to tell Him

that I need no explanation because I know Him?"

Frank Houghton

So, Boomer is off to Ecola.  Yesterday we were set to take off to go down with him when my back went out.  Like, right as we were getting things in the car.  It wasn't one of those times I could tough it out, so the rest of the family went and I stayed home.  It was a hard thing for me.  I so wanted to be there.  To hug him and bless him as he began his time on a new adventure.  So, I did that here at home before they left.  And Jessie took lots of pictures of the day and I got to "see" things, too.

Today, after yesterday's experience and then the added weariness of a stomach bug attacking me in the night while my back was still hurting, I was reading in Amy Carmichael's "Roses from Brier" which has blessed me with truth on many, many occasions.  Today was no exception.  The truth that I need no explanation.  I need not understand all He does.  I need only know Him.  That applies so well to yesterday.  To last night.  What He has done is the best, simply because HE did it (or at least allowed it).  I must rest in that or drive myself crazy.  :-)

So, here are some pictures of the day yesterday.  And, if you are interested, Boomer has started a blog himself to chronicle his days at Ecola.  I love that!

The school is located within the Conference Grounds.

The Beautiful Campus

Signing In

Ad Dorm

Unloading

The Room

Fun at the Park

 

Maggie's handiwork to include me!

Bless her.

And now I get the fun of following his blog!!

~

The Wheels of Time......

I haven't posted here for quite some time, obviously.  I've mostly been over at Sisters For Mom, chronicling my health journey.  But today I need to be here.

My youngest is heading off to Ecola Bible School tomorrow.  Ten years ago this weekend, my oldest embarked on her Ecola adventure.  Eight years ago, it was our older son.  My own was decades ago in 1975.  It has become almost a family tradition.

But there's something about the youngest, this delightful-child-turned-man, that touches something in me.  It's not a letting go thing.  I've not struggled inordinately with that as my kids have grown and started their own lives.  It's more a poignancy of the remnants of childhood floating away.  A changing of the guard, sort of.

And there's the "missing him" part.  Of course.  :-)

I send him off, both of us cloaked with the promise of Isaiah 54:13:

"All your sons will be taught of the LORD;

And the well-being of your sons will be great."

Amen.

 Boomer with his daddy in 1994 on the California Coast.

Cannon Beach in 2003

Current shot of him drumming at a band gig.

And he's good.  :-)

Of Birthdays......

Well, it is my first-born's 29th birthday today.  It sounds so cliche-ish to say that the years have flown, but it really is true.  They have.

What incredible blessing this child has brought me.  What lessons.  Frustrations. Tears.  Laughter. Incredible joy.  I would not trade a minute of it.  Though at times, I think I might have wanted to!  Such is the path of parenthood.

Probably many of  us have thought this: "It's my job as a parent to raise up this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, teaching and training toward righteousness" (which it is, of course), and then have the realization somewhere along the road, "Whoa. Well, I guess I'm the one who's being raised, taught and trained!"

The Lord has used this precious child to teach me through the years, maturing me in ways I didn't know I needed.  When I was young, it was weeding out the immaturity & selfishiness in me (well, yes, it still happens now, too).   In following years it was honing patience.  And now it is as iron sharpening iron as she has matured in the Lord and become a sister and friend as well as daughter.

Thank You, Lord, for the privilege and blessing of being her mother.  Thank You.

Happy Birthday, Dear Jessie-Girl!  I love you.

Seasons

~
Well, I changed my header picture to the Mountain in Spring.  I have to laugh a little.  It just doesn't feel like spring has really arrived, what with frost last week, snow the week before, and the rare appearance of the sky these days.  It is the 10th of May, after all!

So, though there is still the emotion of winter out there, I succumbed to aligning my blog with the season my calendar is currently declaring.  :-)  Oh, and the tulips are declaring it, too, when they aren't weighed down with torrents of rain!

Yield and be at peace......

~
This morning was another Spurgeon-encouraged journey into reflections on pain and suffering in my life.  It was good.......

Job 22:21 in a variety of translations:

'Yield now  (Become one with Him; Acquaint yourself with Him; Submit to God)  and be at peace; thereby good will come to you.'

Yield.  Become one with.  Acquaint.  Submit.

I yield to You.  Whatever You want, I will yield.  Whatever You ask, I will do.

I don't want to be in pain.  But I am.  Please use it to acquaint me with You.

I want to be able to "do." But I can't. Please use it to bring submission to You.

I struggle with independence, self-sufficiency.  Please use this in the journey of becoming one with You.  Conformed to Your image.

I struggle with rebelling against what I know You would have me do.  Please use this to bring submission.  

And if my infirmities never change, oh how hard, but if they don't, that I would receive Your Father-love and bask in Your faithfulness and grace.  That I would know better the deity and humanity of you, Jesus --Your friendship, Brotherhood and Husbanding.  And that I would come to know You, Holy Spirit -- and Your order, illumination, instruction, comfort and sanctifying -- in deeper ways.

Oh, 3-in-1, I yield.  I submit.  I wait on You.  I sit before You and seek to acquaint myself with You, become one with You, and being at peace, watch for the good that will come to me.  Good of Your choosing.

My Ebenezer.....

My mind has been like a tape player set on "loop."   Replaying over and over and over again the scenarios of what I would say if I had the chance.  To defend myself.  Against false accusations.

It's a battle I have fought using Scripture.  Written on spiral-bound 3x5 cards and read when the loop needed to be broken.  Truth to refute lies.  Over and over and over again.

But I was getting pretty worn.

Then last Friday I had a breakthrough.  It finally hit me that Jesus was falsely accused.  And He said nothing in response.  And that I, by being falsely accused, am sharing in His sufferings.  Perhaps for the first time, really.  Wow.

And the really cool thing is that while Jesus didn't defend Himself on earth, every time someone dies, they bow their knee to Him whether they did on earth or not.  They have to.  They are faced with the Truth and can't escape His holiness.

"So that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW,

of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:10-11. 

 Well, it occurred to me that the truth is something that all of us will be confronted with when we reach the other side.  Those of us who love Jesus and those who don't.  So whether my accuser and those who believe him are ever "enlightened" as to the truth here on earth, they most assuredly will be when they cross over and meet the Truth.  I need not worry about salvaging my reputation with them here.  Hard as that is.

And at that realization, peace (that passes all understanding) filled my heart, soul and mind.

And then, as if that weren't enough, something else really cool happened.  That night, some people very dear to me gave me a gift of something I have wanted for a long time.  And it was given because they were sorry for the stuff I've been going through relating to the false accusations.

It reminded me of a standing stone, like the one Samuel set up as a reminder that "Thus far, the Lord has helped me."  His Ebenezer. (1 Samuel 7:12)

So, this is my Ebenezer ~

a reminder that

Thus far the Lord has helped me....

to understand a little of the fellowship of his sufferings

and the need to keep on rejoicing that He has allowed me that privilege.

 "But to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ,

keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory

you may rejoice with exultation." 

1 Peter 4:13

"That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection

and the fellowship of His sufferings,

being conformed to His death;"

Philippians 3:10. 

P.S. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a clay pot which is an amazing piece of cookware.  Its first use will be to cook a turkey for those dear ones who gave it to me.  :-)